1 00:00:36,020 --> 00:00:37,060 (TYRES SCREECH) 2 00:00:37,180 --> 00:00:39,180 (SIRENS WAIL) 3 00:00:39,300 --> 00:00:40,980 (AUTOMATIC GUNFIRE) 4 00:00:41,100 --> 00:00:42,740 (GUNSHOTS) 5 00:00:42,860 --> 00:00:44,380 (HORNS BLARE) 6 00:00:46,140 --> 00:00:47,700 Ohh! 7 00:00:47,820 --> 00:00:49,420 Man- 8 00:00:49,540 --> 00:00:51,700 Oww! Hey, bud- Where you been? 9 00:00:51,820 --> 00:00:53,740 Just got back from the Dentibot- I needed a filling- 10 00:00:53,860 --> 00:00:55,300 Bet you chickened, though, right? 11 00:00:55,420 --> 00:00:58,580 Soon as that robo-drill started screeching, I bet you were gone- 12 00:00:58,700 --> 00:01:00,020 Yeah- How d'you know that? 13 00:01:00,140 --> 00:01:01,340 You're still wearing a bib- 14 00:01:02,900 --> 00:01:04,420 Who needs a dental bot anyway, man? 15 00:01:04,540 --> 00:01:07,540 Half a bottle of GELF hooch, can't feel a thing now- 16 00:01:07,660 --> 00:01:08,660 Anywhere- 17 00:01:08,780 --> 00:01:10,700 Starting to worry, actually- 18 00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:13,380 If it was me, I'd get my teeth fixed, Gummy- 19 00:01:13,500 --> 00:01:16,220 Otherwise in a couple of years, you'll be flossing with towrope- 20 00:01:16,340 --> 00:01:17,420 Eeh, eeh, eeh- 21 00:01:18,460 --> 00:01:19,460 (GUNSHOT) 22 00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:27,980 - Can you hear that? - Hear what? 23 00:01:28,100 --> 00:01:29,420 That! Can't you hear it? 24 00:01:29,540 --> 00:01:31,060 It's driving me crazy- 25 00:01:31,180 --> 00:01:35,420 All over the ship, wherever I go, there's this really annoying whiny sound- 26 00:01:35,540 --> 00:01:37,900 Yeah, it's you- Stop talking, it goes- 27 00:01:38,020 --> 00:01:39,420 Still there- 28 00:01:39,540 --> 00:01:40,660 You're still talking! 29 00:01:41,700 --> 00:01:44,900 Lister- This ship is falling apart- I need some help- 30 00:01:45,020 --> 00:01:48,740 Don't look at me, Rimmer- I am busy today- 31 00:01:48,860 --> 00:01:52,540 Busy? And what are you doing today that makes you so "busy"? 32 00:01:52,660 --> 00:01:54,700 I'm getting drunk- 33 00:01:54,820 --> 00:01:56,060 That's your day? 34 00:01:56,180 --> 00:01:57,460 Notjust any old drunk- 35 00:01:57,580 --> 00:02:01,780 I'm talking traffic-cone-hugging, pavement-licking kershnickered- 36 00:02:01,900 --> 00:02:04,180 That's my day- Cheers- 37 00:02:05,540 --> 00:02:08,100 Er---what's this? 38 00:02:08,220 --> 00:02:09,620 Ah, I'm making a Father's Day card- 39 00:02:09,740 --> 00:02:12,220 You're making a Father's Day card? 40 00:02:12,340 --> 00:02:14,220 You? Who to? 41 00:02:14,340 --> 00:02:17,700 Well, let's round up the suspects, shall we, Sherlock? 42 00:02:18,860 --> 00:02:20,580 First up, there's me dad- 43 00:02:20,700 --> 00:02:22,420 But you're your dad- 44 00:02:22,540 --> 00:02:25,300 You went back in time and left your baby self 45 00:02:25,420 --> 00:02:27,860 under a pool table in a cardboard box- 46 00:02:29,660 --> 00:02:31,420 You're your own dad- 47 00:02:31,540 --> 00:02:34,420 So therefore I shouldn't get any Father's Day cards? 48 00:02:35,540 --> 00:02:40,060 It's not my fault that due to some time-travelly paradoxy sci-fi smeg 49 00:02:40,180 --> 00:02:41,860 I happen to be my own dad- 50 00:02:41,980 --> 00:02:43,620 I do this every year- 51 00:02:43,740 --> 00:02:46,620 I write myself a "Thanks for being such an amazing dad" card, 52 00:02:46,740 --> 00:02:49,620 then I drink myself into oblivion so I forget what I've written, 53 00:02:49,740 --> 00:02:53,100 and then 1 2 months later, on Father's Day, which, by the way, happens to be today, 54 00:02:53,220 --> 00:02:56,380 Kryten delivers a Father's Day card and I haven't got a clue what it says- 55 00:02:57,780 --> 00:02:59,020 How cool is that?! 56 00:02:59,140 --> 00:03:01,980 - Morning, sirs! - Oh, he hasn't! 57 00:03:02,100 --> 00:03:03,860 Oh, I think he has, sir- 58 00:03:03,980 --> 00:03:05,740 He never forgets his old dad- 59 00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:09,580 I don't know how he finds the time, 60 00:03:09,700 --> 00:03:11,700 what with all the things he's up to as well- 61 00:03:11,820 --> 00:03:13,300 Aww. 62 00:03:13,420 --> 00:03:15,140 Look at that! 63 00:03:15,260 --> 00:03:16,380 Dreads! 64 00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:18,100 Brilliant! 65 00:03:18,220 --> 00:03:19,900 I mean, how funny is that? 66 00:03:20,020 --> 00:03:22,340 Oh! What a brilliant card- 67 00:03:22,460 --> 00:03:24,300 Made it himself, you know- 68 00:03:24,420 --> 00:03:26,340 Oh, look, a bit of poppadom! 69 00:03:28,180 --> 00:03:29,660 Poppadom! 70 00:03:29,780 --> 00:03:32,780 Aww. 71 00:03:33,820 --> 00:03:34,980 Aww! 72 00:03:35,980 --> 00:03:37,340 So thoughtful- 73 00:03:37,460 --> 00:03:39,340 - Aww. - Wait a minute- 74 00:03:39,460 --> 00:03:41,380 How can you even stand your dad? 75 00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:43,940 He abandoned you in a pub in a cardboard box- 76 00:03:44,060 --> 00:03:47,340 The only thing he's ever given you your whole life 77 00:03:47,460 --> 00:03:49,500 is a rattle and a few air holes- 78 00:03:50,740 --> 00:03:52,020 What kind of a dad is that? 79 00:03:52,140 --> 00:03:53,780 That's true, yeah- 80 00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:54,900 That's right- 81 00:03:55,020 --> 00:03:56,540 That's---that's not right, that, is it? 82 00:04:00,100 --> 00:04:01,660 There it is again, that whiny sound- 83 00:04:01,780 --> 00:04:02,980 You're talking again! 84 00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:08,420 RIMMER: Number 32-1 2 required, 85 00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:11,860 and a replacement valve-housing gasket for 1 7- 86 00:04:11,980 --> 00:04:13,420 Noted, sir- 87 00:04:13,540 --> 00:04:16,100 I thought the new computer was supposed to be helping with all this- 88 00:04:16,220 --> 00:04:17,860 It's not uploaded yet, sir- Later today- 89 00:04:17,980 --> 00:04:21,380 MACHINE: Hey, Kryten, how's it going? Great night last night. 90 00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:23,660 You can say that again, 1 6! 91 00:04:23,780 --> 00:04:26,260 We had quite a night of it last night, sir- 92 00:04:26,380 --> 00:04:30,020 Me and a bunch of the dispensing machines got together and played Chinese Whispers- 93 00:04:30,140 --> 00:04:31,860 We had so much fun- 94 00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:33,500 Now, the sentence started as, 95 00:04:33,620 --> 00:04:36,140 "I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, on the slit sheet, I---" 96 00:04:36,260 --> 00:04:37,380 - Kryten- - Yes, sir? 97 00:04:37,500 --> 00:04:38,780 - Shut up- - Yes, sir- 98 00:04:38,900 --> 00:04:41,700 I'm not remotely interested in some stupid parlour game you were playing 99 00:04:41,820 --> 00:04:44,620 with a talking condom machine and two Lil-Let dispensers- 100 00:04:44,740 --> 00:04:46,180 Yes, sir- Sorry, sir- Thank you, sir- 101 00:04:46,300 --> 00:04:49,580 While we're at it, Chinese Whispers - isn't that racist? 102 00:04:49,700 --> 00:04:52,100 Basically, what you're saying is that Chinese people 103 00:04:52,220 --> 00:04:54,980 can't convey a simple piece of information to one another- 104 00:04:55,100 --> 00:04:58,940 Now, if that's the case, how come they invented acupuncture, gunpowder--- 105 00:04:59,060 --> 00:05:02,420 laundry, and those funny little hats? 106 00:05:02,540 --> 00:05:05,620 Chinese Whispers - it's offensive, racist and wrong- 107 00:05:05,740 --> 00:05:07,980 Ask around, I think you'll find I'm right- 108 00:05:10,980 --> 00:05:12,220 So, how can I help? 109 00:05:12,340 --> 00:05:15,100 I need some advice- I wanna be a better father to my son- 110 00:05:15,220 --> 00:05:17,340 What kind of person is your son? 111 00:05:17,460 --> 00:05:18,580 Ooh, tough question- 112 00:05:18,700 --> 00:05:22,780 If I had to sum him up in one word, it would be---ohh--- 113 00:05:22,900 --> 00:05:24,220 awesome? 114 00:05:25,260 --> 00:05:26,500 And he's smart- 115 00:05:26,620 --> 00:05:29,780 I mean, OK, not book-smart, but that's only cos he hasn't read any books- 116 00:05:29,900 --> 00:05:31,740 If he had, then who knows?! 117 00:05:31,860 --> 00:05:34,500 And he's a killer guitarist- 118 00:05:34,620 --> 00:05:38,420 You know, when he's had a few, he is up there with Hendrix- 119 00:05:38,540 --> 00:05:40,420 So what's the problem? 120 00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:42,100 He's in a rut- 121 00:05:42,220 --> 00:05:43,420 He's not going anywhere- 122 00:05:43,540 --> 00:05:45,780 No job, no girlfriend, and to be honest, 123 00:05:45,900 --> 00:05:49,180 I know I shouldn't, but I kind of blame myself- 124 00:05:49,300 --> 00:05:51,500 So he's a total bum- 125 00:05:51,620 --> 00:05:53,540 Total bum?! I don't think so- 126 00:05:53,660 --> 00:05:56,220 A bum, maybe, but total bum? No way- 127 00:05:57,780 --> 00:06:01,820 (BLEEPING) Ah! That's weird- I don't seem to have your son on file- 128 00:06:01,940 --> 00:06:03,620 Ah, well, there's a reason for that- 129 00:06:03,740 --> 00:06:07,460 He should register! He's missing out on a whole raft of privileges- 130 00:06:07,580 --> 00:06:09,340 Is he? 131 00:06:09,460 --> 00:06:10,740 Free Christmas champagne! 132 00:06:10,860 --> 00:06:12,580 His own TV and game package! 133 00:06:12,700 --> 00:06:14,100 It'll only take five minutes- 134 00:06:14,220 --> 00:06:17,940 Quick medical, so we can set up his bios for stasis, and he's done- 135 00:06:18,060 --> 00:06:19,180 What's his name? 136 00:06:19,300 --> 00:06:21,580 - Dave- - Same as you! 137 00:06:21,700 --> 00:06:23,780 I'll open a file for him right now- 138 00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:26,180 Done- OK, here's what I think- 139 00:06:26,300 --> 00:06:28,700 Tough love- 140 00:06:28,820 --> 00:06:29,740 Set him goals- 141 00:06:29,860 --> 00:06:32,340 He doesn't achieve those goals, kick his butt- 142 00:06:32,460 --> 00:06:34,140 Kick it hard! Tough love- 143 00:06:34,260 --> 00:06:36,340 - Tough love- - Tough love- 144 00:06:39,740 --> 00:06:42,460 That's a great question, Kryten. Is Chinese Whispers racist? 145 00:06:42,580 --> 00:06:44,980 Leave it with me. I'll do some research. 146 00:06:46,060 --> 00:06:47,060 Hi, Garby- 147 00:06:48,180 --> 00:06:50,700 So you're a cat of the world - what do you think? 148 00:06:50,820 --> 00:06:52,460 Eh, I dunno, 1 6- 149 00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:54,220 But you got me intrigued- 150 00:06:54,340 --> 00:06:55,900 Let me ask around- 151 00:06:58,100 --> 00:06:59,260 Thank goodness for that derelict, sir- 152 00:06:59,380 --> 00:07:02,460 I am just so excited at the prospect of having a new computer! 153 00:07:02,580 --> 00:07:03,980 We so miss Holly- 154 00:07:04,100 --> 00:07:08,340 It's true - we just don't get the same quality of cock-up these days, do we? 155 00:07:09,540 --> 00:07:11,460 OK, sir- The computer is ready to launch- 156 00:07:11,580 --> 00:07:13,260 Here we go, the "pref" menus- 157 00:07:13,380 --> 00:07:14,460 Ah- 158 00:07:14,580 --> 00:07:15,820 Male or female? 159 00:07:15,940 --> 00:07:17,500 Female- Not really bothered- 160 00:07:17,620 --> 00:07:19,460 Doesn't really matter- Female- 161 00:07:21,540 --> 00:07:23,860 Age - 25, 50, or 75? 162 00:07:23,980 --> 00:07:25,140 Whatever- 163 00:07:25,260 --> 00:07:27,180 Let's not get held back by this, Kryten- 164 00:07:27,300 --> 00:07:28,460 25- 165 00:07:30,220 --> 00:07:31,260 Blonde or brunette? 166 00:07:31,380 --> 00:07:34,380 Honestly don't care- It doesn't matter- Not important- 167 00:07:34,500 --> 00:07:35,620 Blonde- 168 00:07:37,060 --> 00:07:38,140 Breast size- 169 00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:44,380 I can't honestly believe they actually still ask that question these days- 170 00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:46,140 It's absolutely ludicrous, it really is- 171 00:07:46,260 --> 00:07:47,420 I totally agree with you, sir- 172 00:07:47,540 --> 00:07:49,020 I'll choose the first one- 173 00:07:49,140 --> 00:07:50,700 - 30A- - Hang on! 174 00:07:51,820 --> 00:07:53,060 What's the hurry, Kryten? 175 00:07:53,180 --> 00:07:56,780 Everyone knows you don'tjust pick the first thing that comes into your head- 176 00:07:56,900 --> 00:07:58,340 What's that one down there at the bottom? 177 00:07:58,460 --> 00:08:00,940 That's---a 36D, sir- 178 00:08:01,060 --> 00:08:02,620 Fine- Go with that one- 179 00:08:02,740 --> 00:08:03,780 Whatever- 180 00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:05,740 36D it is- 181 00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:08,260 - I've already highlighted 30A, sir- - Kryten, 182 00:08:08,380 --> 00:08:10,540 don't argue- 36D it is- 183 00:08:10,660 --> 00:08:13,460 - But sir! - Kryten, it's not important- 184 00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:16,180 I don't know why you're making such a fuss about this- 185 00:08:16,300 --> 00:08:18,340 36D- Select it- Moving on- 186 00:08:18,460 --> 00:08:19,780 But I'm not making a fuss, sir- 187 00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,940 - I'm just--- - OK, I'm pulling rank- 188 00:08:22,060 --> 00:08:25,940 I order you to select 36D as the breast size for the new computer- 189 00:08:26,060 --> 00:08:27,300 And that's an order- 190 00:08:27,420 --> 00:08:29,300 Selected, sir- 191 00:08:29,420 --> 00:08:30,700 Ah, now--- 192 00:08:30,820 --> 00:08:31,860 Personality- 193 00:08:31,980 --> 00:08:33,220 - Whatever- - Oh- 194 00:08:33,340 --> 00:08:34,420 Accent? 195 00:08:34,540 --> 00:08:35,780 Whatever- 196 00:08:35,900 --> 00:08:38,820 - Frame size- - Your call- Let's launch- Who cares? 197 00:08:38,940 --> 00:08:40,580 KRYTEN: Close-up chosen- 198 00:08:40,700 --> 00:08:41,900 Ah, there we go- 199 00:08:42,020 --> 00:08:44,340 Oh, I really like that frame size, don't you, sir? 200 00:08:44,460 --> 00:08:45,660 Hey-hey! Ooh! 201 00:08:45,780 --> 00:08:47,660 Hello- My name's Pree- 202 00:08:47,780 --> 00:08:50,500 It will take a few moments for my database to initialise- 203 00:08:50,620 --> 00:08:53,580 Oww! Nice pixels! Hey, buds, what's happening? 204 00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:55,620 We're just launching the new computer, sir- 205 00:08:55,740 --> 00:08:56,940 Here we go- 206 00:08:57,060 --> 00:08:58,220 Greetings, gentlemen- 207 00:08:58,340 --> 00:09:00,740 My name is Pree, and I will be your new ship computer- 208 00:09:00,860 --> 00:09:03,820 I have many functions, including predictive behaviour technology- 209 00:09:03,940 --> 00:09:06,660 - Predictive what?! - Like predictive text on a cell phone, 210 00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:08,060 predictive behaviour technology 211 00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:10,100 anticipates your actions based on past behaviour 212 00:09:10,220 --> 00:09:12,060 and performs the rest of the action for you- 213 00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:15,740 - How's she able to do that?! - Well, best guess, 214 00:09:15,860 --> 00:09:18,860 she builds behavioural algorithms from the ship's security footage, 215 00:09:18,980 --> 00:09:21,620 so she's able to guess how we're most likely to behave 216 00:09:21,740 --> 00:09:23,260 in any given situation- 217 00:09:23,380 --> 00:09:24,900 Exactly right, Kryten- 218 00:09:25,020 --> 00:09:26,460 What about maintenance? 219 00:09:26,580 --> 00:09:28,420 Can you repair the ship's engineering faults? 220 00:09:28,540 --> 00:09:31,020 I already anticipated you'd ask me that question, Arnold, 221 00:09:31,140 --> 00:09:32,940 and I've repaired all the faults on B Deck already- 222 00:09:33,060 --> 00:09:35,580 There is now a 98% probability you will discuss 223 00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:36,980 my potential for changing your lives 224 00:09:37,100 --> 00:09:39,980 and reach the conclusion that you're looking forward to seeing me in action- 225 00:09:41,940 --> 00:09:45,020 You now no longer need to have this conversation and can do something else- 226 00:09:45,140 --> 00:09:47,580 So now we don't have that conversation 227 00:09:47,700 --> 00:09:49,580 and move straight on to the next conversation? 228 00:09:49,700 --> 00:09:50,820 Your next conversation 229 00:09:50,940 --> 00:09:53,340 is a conversation about not having the previous conversation, 230 00:09:53,460 --> 00:09:55,860 saying you were looking forward to the previous conversation, 231 00:09:55,980 --> 00:09:58,060 and now feel a bit lost, not having had that conversation- 232 00:09:58,180 --> 00:10:01,460 You conclude you will probably get used to hearing the results of your conversations 233 00:10:01,580 --> 00:10:04,140 and no longer having the conversations yourselves- 234 00:10:05,460 --> 00:10:07,300 Hey! New computer! 235 00:10:08,300 --> 00:10:09,500 Predictive- 236 00:10:09,620 --> 00:10:12,380 Knows what you're likely to say and do in any given situation- 237 00:10:12,500 --> 00:10:13,820 Heh-hey, that could come in handy! 238 00:10:13,940 --> 00:10:14,980 Got a job for you- 239 00:10:15,100 --> 00:10:16,100 I know- 240 00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:32,780 (GROANS) 241 00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:34,500 Kebab pillow- 242 00:10:34,620 --> 00:10:37,060 I must have got trashed last night- 243 00:10:39,220 --> 00:10:40,740 Throbbo- 244 00:10:43,300 --> 00:10:44,740 What's this? 245 00:10:46,100 --> 00:10:47,580 Don't remember making this- 246 00:10:51,940 --> 00:10:53,620 Hi, son. 247 00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:55,820 It's your dad here. 248 00:10:55,940 --> 00:10:57,940 - Dad! - Here's the plan- 249 00:10:58,060 --> 00:10:59,980 I'm gonna give you some advice. 250 00:11:00,100 --> 00:11:03,820 Kind of a "do as I say, not as I do" kind of style. 251 00:11:05,780 --> 00:11:09,660 Then I'm gonna get totally trashed so I forget what I've said, 252 00:11:09,780 --> 00:11:11,420 and then when you watch this, 253 00:11:11,540 --> 00:11:16,220 you'll feel like you've got a totally normal, ordinary, regular dad, yeah? 254 00:11:16,340 --> 00:11:17,980 I don't remember making this- 255 00:11:18,100 --> 00:11:19,980 Rimmer's right. 256 00:11:20,100 --> 00:11:21,940 I've never been a proper dad to you. 257 00:11:23,620 --> 00:11:27,180 Never watched you play zero-gee, 258 00:11:27,300 --> 00:11:30,380 never encouraged you, gave you advice, 259 00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:33,060 kicked your big fat butt when it needed kicking. 260 00:11:33,180 --> 00:11:35,820 Maybe that's why you've ended up like this. 261 00:11:35,940 --> 00:11:37,220 Like what? 262 00:11:37,340 --> 00:11:42,700 You're a big, big disappointment to me, David, you really are. 263 00:11:42,820 --> 00:11:46,060 - What? - No ambition. Sitting about. 264 00:11:46,180 --> 00:11:48,140 Wasting your life away. 265 00:11:49,820 --> 00:11:51,860 And you're not looking after yourself. 266 00:11:51,980 --> 00:11:53,660 And you drink too much. 267 00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:55,100 It's getting worse. 268 00:11:55,220 --> 00:11:56,820 I'm doing OK- 269 00:11:56,940 --> 00:11:58,940 "I'm doing OK," you're probably saying. 270 00:11:59,060 --> 00:12:01,060 "I'm doing OK." But you're not. 271 00:12:01,180 --> 00:12:05,060 I mean, you could have been so much more, and-and you know it. 272 00:12:05,180 --> 00:12:08,500 Who are you to tell me what to do? What have you ever done with yourlife? 273 00:12:11,580 --> 00:12:13,540 (BOTTLES CLANK) 274 00:12:17,340 --> 00:12:19,220 (MORE BOTTLES CLANK) 275 00:12:23,380 --> 00:12:24,780 You've gotta get yourself an education. 276 00:12:24,900 --> 00:12:28,220 At least get good at something, and then... 277 00:12:28,340 --> 00:12:33,140 and then build a home, a proper home, and then go and find Krissy. 278 00:12:33,260 --> 00:12:35,060 And how do I do all of that? 279 00:12:35,180 --> 00:12:36,940 Er... 280 00:12:37,060 --> 00:12:38,460 Step one. 281 00:12:38,580 --> 00:12:41,900 Enrol in the Jupiter Mining Corporation engineering programme. 282 00:12:42,020 --> 00:12:44,700 Er, step two, get that filling fixed. 283 00:12:44,820 --> 00:12:46,340 And then play the next message. 284 00:12:49,940 --> 00:12:51,020 So! 285 00:12:51,140 --> 00:12:55,180 You had to enrol in the Jupiter engineering mining programme 286 00:12:55,300 --> 00:12:56,740 and get that filling fixed. 287 00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:59,780 How did it go, eh? D'you make your old man proud? 288 00:13:01,220 --> 00:13:03,300 You didn't do it, did you, David? 289 00:13:03,420 --> 00:13:04,780 No! 290 00:13:04,900 --> 00:13:07,740 You just skipped ahead to the next message to see what I'd say, didn't you? 291 00:13:07,860 --> 00:13:09,100 Yes, Dad- 292 00:13:09,220 --> 00:13:11,140 I knew you'd do that. It was a test. 293 00:13:11,260 --> 00:13:13,580 - Sorry, Dad- - Now, get your filling fixed, 294 00:13:13,700 --> 00:13:16,540 no messing, then play message three, yeah? 295 00:13:20,860 --> 00:13:23,460 What, d'you think I'm stupid? Is that what do you think? 296 00:13:23,580 --> 00:13:25,020 D'you think I'm stupid, eh? 297 00:13:25,140 --> 00:13:27,780 Get the filling fixed, then play the next message! 298 00:13:27,900 --> 00:13:28,860 What the smeg? 299 00:13:28,980 --> 00:13:30,340 Don't swear. 300 00:13:30,460 --> 00:13:32,860 How the smeg d'you know I was gonna swear? 301 00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:35,460 Let me make one thing crystal clear, young man. 302 00:13:35,580 --> 00:13:37,740 I will not be having any of your nonsense. 303 00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:41,300 While you're living under my roof, on my spaceship, 304 00:13:41,420 --> 00:13:43,420 you abide by my rules. 305 00:13:43,540 --> 00:13:45,460 And if you don't like it, well, you know what you can do. 306 00:13:45,580 --> 00:13:47,980 Now, if you skip ahead one more time, 307 00:13:48,100 --> 00:13:51,780 I'm gonna flush that guitar of yours out of an airlock. 308 00:13:51,900 --> 00:13:54,980 Now, get the filling done now. 309 00:13:58,580 --> 00:14:01,500 Thought I'd finally do what you wanted, did you? 310 00:14:01,620 --> 00:14:03,860 Well, you got that wrong- 311 00:14:03,980 --> 00:14:07,940 Message four. Good. We're finally making some progress. 312 00:14:08,060 --> 00:14:11,620 - Wrong! - Finally learned a little bit of respect. 313 00:14:11,740 --> 00:14:14,340 - Wro-ong! - By the way, see your guitar? 314 00:14:14,460 --> 00:14:15,980 Go on. Go over there. 315 00:14:16,100 --> 00:14:17,420 Give us a song. 316 00:14:17,540 --> 00:14:19,020 What's he up to? 317 00:14:29,100 --> 00:14:30,380 Have a look out of that porthole there- 318 00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:33,740 See that tiny speck half a light year away? 319 00:14:33,860 --> 00:14:35,660 That's your Gibson Les Paul, that is. 320 00:14:35,780 --> 00:14:36,860 No! 321 00:14:36,980 --> 00:14:38,740 Tough love. D'you want some more? 322 00:14:38,860 --> 00:14:43,460 Now, enrol in the mech engineering programme and get the filling done now! 323 00:14:43,580 --> 00:14:45,660 Or you'll get some more Daddy Discipline. 324 00:14:47,540 --> 00:14:49,860 I really loved that guitar! You don't understand me! 325 00:14:49,980 --> 00:14:52,780 I hate you! Bastard! 326 00:14:59,420 --> 00:15:00,460 Evening, Pree- 327 00:15:00,580 --> 00:15:02,740 Glad you had such a good day, Arnold- 328 00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:05,500 So sorry this evening's going to be such a nightmare- 329 00:15:05,620 --> 00:15:09,220 Ah, but it's not- I'm gonna put my feet up and watch TV- 330 00:15:09,340 --> 00:15:12,180 Put on VictorySouth for me, will you? 331 00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:17,020 A fascinating drama series about the American Civil War where the South win- 332 00:15:17,140 --> 00:15:20,900 Loved series one, really looking forward to series two- 333 00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:23,820 I deleted all 24 episodes earlier this morning, Arnold- 334 00:15:23,940 --> 00:15:25,060 What?! 335 00:15:25,180 --> 00:15:27,420 I watched them all yesterday, and you didn't enjoy them- 336 00:15:28,780 --> 00:15:30,300 But Ihaven't seen them- 337 00:15:30,420 --> 00:15:32,300 But if you had, you wouldn't have enjoyed them- 338 00:15:32,420 --> 00:15:35,380 But series one was brilliant! whydidn't I enjoy them? 339 00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:37,420 All your favourite characters were killed off, 340 00:15:37,540 --> 00:15:40,540 including the busty blonde heroine with no personality- 341 00:15:40,660 --> 00:15:42,740 Aww, I loved her- 342 00:15:42,860 --> 00:15:44,060 What am I supposed to do now? 343 00:15:44,180 --> 00:15:46,420 I thought you could use that time more fruitfully, 344 00:15:46,540 --> 00:15:48,980 perhaps finally reading warAnd Peace. 345 00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:51,540 I want to unwind, relax- 346 00:15:51,660 --> 00:15:55,500 Not read a book that's longer than Rapunzel's pubic hair- 347 00:15:55,620 --> 00:15:59,620 Sir, come quickly! B Deck is in total disarray! 348 00:16:01,060 --> 00:16:04,100 B Deck, the floor Pree repaired? Pree, what's happened? 349 00:16:04,220 --> 00:16:05,980 I thought you were gonna repair all this! 350 00:16:06,100 --> 00:16:07,500 I did- And thanks to 351 00:16:07,620 --> 00:16:09,620 my predictive capabilities, I was able to carry out the repairs 352 00:16:09,740 --> 00:16:11,780 in the exact manner you would have instructed- 353 00:16:13,300 --> 00:16:15,060 It's one botch-up after another, 354 00:16:15,180 --> 00:16:18,020 with no regard to safety procedures or good workmanship! 355 00:16:18,140 --> 00:16:19,180 Exactly- 356 00:16:19,300 --> 00:16:21,580 How can you be a top computer if you do something like this? 357 00:16:21,700 --> 00:16:23,460 Ididn't, Arnold, you did- 358 00:16:23,580 --> 00:16:25,220 I merely duplicated what you would have done- 359 00:16:25,340 --> 00:16:26,500 I don't understand! 360 00:16:26,620 --> 00:16:28,940 I'm programmed to align myself with the ship's senior officer 361 00:16:29,060 --> 00:16:31,100 so computer and crew can perform as one- 362 00:16:31,220 --> 00:16:33,620 What the senior officer would do, I do for them- 363 00:16:33,740 --> 00:16:38,740 You're saying because I would have cocked all this up, you cocked it all up for me? 364 00:16:38,860 --> 00:16:40,620 Precisely- 365 00:16:40,740 --> 00:16:43,340 Well, this is really embarrassing- What do I do now? 366 00:16:43,460 --> 00:16:46,580 You now have a conversation with Kryten where you blame him for everything 367 00:16:46,700 --> 00:16:48,180 and then stride off indignantly- 368 00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:50,340 There is now no need to have this conversation 369 00:16:50,460 --> 00:16:51,700 and you go straight to your exit- 370 00:16:58,900 --> 00:17:01,420 Is this the line for the Dentibot? 371 00:17:01,540 --> 00:17:02,860 Get in the queue, bud- 372 00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:04,340 What's up? 373 00:17:04,460 --> 00:17:07,780 Oh, filling- Finally decided to get it done- 374 00:17:07,900 --> 00:17:10,580 Got a question for you- Been driving everyone nuts- 375 00:17:10,700 --> 00:17:12,420 If anyone knows, you'll know- 376 00:17:12,540 --> 00:17:13,780 Here's the question- 377 00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:16,340 Are Chinese whiskers racist? 378 00:17:18,700 --> 00:17:21,100 - Are Chinese whiskers racist? - Mmm- 379 00:17:21,220 --> 00:17:23,900 D'you mean those wispy little Mandarin beards like Fu Manchu? 380 00:17:24,020 --> 00:17:25,620 Exactly- 381 00:17:25,740 --> 00:17:27,700 Dunno- D'you know who might know? 382 00:17:27,820 --> 00:17:29,460 That Asian fast-food machine on B Deck- 383 00:17:29,580 --> 00:17:33,140 - Taiwan Tony? - Taiwan Tony- Bet he'll know- 384 00:17:33,260 --> 00:17:34,860 Why would he know?! 385 00:17:34,980 --> 00:17:38,380 Cos Taiwan Tony's from Taiwan, and Taiwan's a bit---Chinesey- 386 00:17:39,620 --> 00:17:41,180 Taiwan's a bit Chinesey? 387 00:17:41,300 --> 00:17:42,460 Of course it is! 388 00:17:42,580 --> 00:17:43,860 I'll ask him- 389 00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:45,060 (WHISTLES) 390 00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:48,060 Hang on, what are you doing here? 391 00:17:48,180 --> 00:17:51,140 Heard we're nearly out of anaesthetic- Thought I'd grab the last tank- 392 00:17:51,260 --> 00:17:53,020 We've only got one tank of anaesthetic? 393 00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:55,180 One tank, and I'm gonna grab it! 394 00:17:55,300 --> 00:17:56,780 But you don't need it, right? 395 00:17:56,900 --> 00:17:59,140 Don't need it now. But one day I will! 396 00:17:59,260 --> 00:18:02,700 I'm always collecting things I don't need for when I need 'em- 397 00:18:02,820 --> 00:18:04,540 You got to think ahead! 398 00:18:04,660 --> 00:18:06,180 But I need that anaesthetic now- 399 00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:08,260 See? You didn't think ahead! 400 00:18:10,060 --> 00:18:12,740 This is what I'm saying- You to got think ahead- 401 00:18:13,980 --> 00:18:16,780 Look, I've got a cavity a stretch limo could do a three-point turn in- 402 00:18:16,900 --> 00:18:19,380 I need that anaesthetic- How about we share? 403 00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:22,580 Hey, bud, never ask a Cat to share- 404 00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:24,820 As a smash in the face often offends! 405 00:18:24,940 --> 00:18:27,340 - (BINGING) - Hey, that's me! 406 00:18:27,460 --> 00:18:28,860 Wish me luck- 407 00:18:31,620 --> 00:18:34,980 You realise we are out of anaesthetic- 408 00:18:35,100 --> 00:18:36,460 It's only pain, right? 409 00:18:36,580 --> 00:18:37,700 I can handle it- 410 00:18:37,820 --> 00:18:39,140 Proves I'm alive- 411 00:18:39,260 --> 00:18:41,020 I embrace it- 412 00:18:41,140 --> 00:18:44,260 And as for the brain-smouldering agony, I've been told I'm not squeamish- 413 00:18:44,380 --> 00:18:46,260 I can certainly watch those medical programmes 414 00:18:46,380 --> 00:18:49,820 where they pull the beating heart out of a human chest and still eat pizza- 415 00:18:49,940 --> 00:18:53,620 So, a new filling, without anaesthetic? I say come on, 416 00:18:53,740 --> 00:18:55,380 bring it on- 417 00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:57,220 Let the drilling commence- 418 00:18:57,340 --> 00:18:59,060 (DRILL WHIRRS) 419 00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:02,100 Hey, that's the second bib we've lost this week! 420 00:19:02,540 --> 00:19:03,500 Great chow mein- 421 00:19:03,620 --> 00:19:05,060 (PARODY "ASIAN" ACCENT) Oh, you like the chow mein? 422 00:19:05,180 --> 00:19:07,580 That good. I make it myself. 423 00:19:07,700 --> 00:19:09,780 - Got a question for you- - Hmm? 424 00:19:09,900 --> 00:19:12,060 Are Chinese whiskers racist? 425 00:19:12,180 --> 00:19:15,380 Ohh. That a very strange question, Mr Cat. 426 00:19:15,500 --> 00:19:18,300 Leave with me- I ask people- 427 00:19:18,420 --> 00:19:21,500 People who pass, I ask, every time. 428 00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:23,740 Thanks- 429 00:19:26,420 --> 00:19:27,900 Did you get that filling done? 430 00:19:28,020 --> 00:19:29,500 Yes, sir- I did, sir- 431 00:19:29,620 --> 00:19:31,220 All filled up- All done- 432 00:19:31,340 --> 00:19:33,300 Don't you lie to me, David Lister. 433 00:19:33,420 --> 00:19:34,900 You chickened out again, didn't you? 434 00:19:35,020 --> 00:19:36,220 Yes, Dad- 435 00:19:36,340 --> 00:19:41,660 Well, this is gonna hurt me a lot more than it's gonna hurt you. 436 00:19:41,780 --> 00:19:44,140 But you...you leave me no choice. 437 00:19:45,900 --> 00:19:47,420 Ohh! 438 00:19:47,540 --> 00:19:49,340 Hello? Aspirin- 439 00:19:49,460 --> 00:19:50,420 Hello? 440 00:19:50,540 --> 00:19:54,100 I'm afraid the dispensers, Dave, are only programmed to serve registered crew- 441 00:19:54,220 --> 00:19:55,820 Oh, new computer, hi! 442 00:19:55,940 --> 00:19:57,500 I am registered crew- 443 00:19:57,620 --> 00:19:59,660 Not any longer, former crewman- 444 00:19:59,780 --> 00:20:01,460 You resigned from Red Dwarf last night- 445 00:20:01,580 --> 00:20:03,300 Resigned? You what? 446 00:20:04,660 --> 00:20:06,780 Oh, that wasn't me! That was me dad! 447 00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:11,340 Who, OK, is me, but it wasn't me that resigned, it was him- 448 00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:13,580 Look, we'll start again- I'm me, 449 00:20:13,700 --> 00:20:16,060 and my dad's me, because I'm my own dad- 450 00:20:16,180 --> 00:20:19,740 Now, to teach me a lesson, he - my dad - resigned- 451 00:20:19,860 --> 00:20:22,900 Although he resigned and he is me, I don't wanna resign cos I'm not him, 452 00:20:23,020 --> 00:20:24,380 even though he's me- 453 00:20:25,620 --> 00:20:26,740 It's clear- 454 00:20:26,860 --> 00:20:29,500 Totally clear, former crewman- 455 00:20:29,620 --> 00:20:31,900 Don't say "former crewman"! Present crewman- 456 00:20:32,020 --> 00:20:33,940 Your resignation has just been processed 457 00:20:34,060 --> 00:20:37,580 and your free oxygen allowance will terminate today at noon- 458 00:20:37,700 --> 00:20:40,580 That's---ten minutes' time! 459 00:20:40,700 --> 00:20:43,260 D'you know what? I'll---I'lljust re-enlist- 460 00:20:43,380 --> 00:20:46,900 The only way to re-enlist is to apply for one of the JMC undergrad programmes- 461 00:20:47,020 --> 00:20:49,220 Ha! Yeah- That was his plan all along- 462 00:20:49,340 --> 00:20:51,380 Just one question, former crewman- 463 00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:53,420 Are you 2 1 or under? 464 00:20:53,540 --> 00:20:56,540 Well, my haircut is- Does that count? 465 00:20:56,660 --> 00:20:57,980 I'm sorry, former crewman- 466 00:20:58,100 --> 00:21:00,020 That makes you ineligible for the programme- 467 00:21:00,140 --> 00:21:03,460 And since the JMC is no longer obligated to provide you with oxygen, 468 00:21:03,580 --> 00:21:06,340 your free supply will end in eight minutes and counting- 469 00:21:06,460 --> 00:21:10,260 Ooh! I really need oxygen, it's really important to me lifestyle! 470 00:21:10,380 --> 00:21:11,980 You need to leave- 471 00:21:12,100 --> 00:21:14,620 I'm not going anywhere- Where will I go? I'm not leaving- 472 00:21:14,740 --> 00:21:15,740 You're leaving- 473 00:21:15,860 --> 00:21:17,460 No, I'm not- I'm staying here- 474 00:21:17,580 --> 00:21:19,020 You just watch me not leave- 475 00:21:19,140 --> 00:21:20,180 WOMAN'S VOICE: Dave! 476 00:21:20,300 --> 00:21:22,340 Is that you? 477 00:21:22,460 --> 00:21:23,700 Dave! 478 00:21:28,500 --> 00:21:30,860 (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS) 479 00:21:47,940 --> 00:21:52,460 My friend, Mr Cat, he has very strange question. 480 00:21:52,580 --> 00:21:54,660 So, I ask everyone who pass. 481 00:21:54,780 --> 00:21:56,340 See if they know. 482 00:21:56,460 --> 00:21:57,660 What's the question, TT? 483 00:21:57,780 --> 00:21:59,020 Do... 484 00:21:59,140 --> 00:22:02,540 Chinese knickers have braces? 485 00:22:04,340 --> 00:22:07,460 "Do Chinese knickers have braces?" 486 00:22:07,580 --> 00:22:09,780 Well, I suppose some of them do- 487 00:22:09,900 --> 00:22:12,700 Maybe for that extra feeling of security if, say, 488 00:22:12,820 --> 00:22:15,540 you're a woman jumping out of a plane in a skirt- 489 00:22:15,660 --> 00:22:17,820 That what I thought! 490 00:22:17,940 --> 00:22:20,900 Who wants their pants flying off at 1 0,000 feet? 491 00:22:21,020 --> 00:22:24,700 It a long way down, and draughty all the way. 492 00:22:24,820 --> 00:22:27,700 Leave it with me, TT- I'll ask around- 493 00:22:27,820 --> 00:22:29,780 Oh, you know who might know? 494 00:22:29,900 --> 00:22:32,420 Dispenser 55, down on G Deck- 495 00:22:32,540 --> 00:22:34,260 Don't waste your time! He know nothing! 496 00:22:34,380 --> 00:22:37,460 He all pre-package! All microwave! 497 00:22:38,980 --> 00:22:42,060 (DRAMATIC MUSIC) 498 00:22:46,420 --> 00:22:48,740 (ALARM BLARES) 499 00:22:51,980 --> 00:22:53,900 No way- Can someone help?! 500 00:22:55,500 --> 00:22:57,540 Help me! 501 00:22:57,660 --> 00:22:59,420 I'm being apprehended! 502 00:22:59,540 --> 00:23:01,540 Kryten, help me! 503 00:23:01,660 --> 00:23:03,140 I'm being chucked out! 504 00:23:08,620 --> 00:23:12,540 YourJMC oxygen subscription will end in 30 seconds- 505 00:23:12,660 --> 00:23:13,900 Hang on, I've gotta get my gloves on! 506 00:23:14,020 --> 00:23:15,260 And counting- 507 00:23:15,380 --> 00:23:16,900 Look, I'm not ready! I've gotta get my stuff on! 508 00:23:17,020 --> 00:23:20,020 Expulsion time, ten seconds and counting- 509 00:23:20,140 --> 00:23:22,060 (MUFFLED COMPLAINTS) 510 00:23:22,180 --> 00:23:23,460 Ten- 511 00:23:23,580 --> 00:23:26,060 - Nine- Five- Four- - Just give us ten seconds---! 512 00:23:26,180 --> 00:23:27,980 Aaah! 513 00:23:28,100 --> 00:23:29,820 That wasn't ten seconds! 514 00:23:29,940 --> 00:23:32,820 Thank you for breathing JMC oxygen, and we hope sometime in the future 515 00:23:32,940 --> 00:23:34,580 you'll decide to breathe our oxygen again- 516 00:23:34,700 --> 00:23:37,140 Have a safe onward journey- Goodbye- 517 00:23:37,260 --> 00:23:38,900 (ALARM BLARES) 518 00:23:43,300 --> 00:23:44,740 What the hell is that? 519 00:23:44,860 --> 00:23:48,420 An airlock's opened, and the ship's just ejected something! 520 00:23:48,540 --> 00:23:51,180 Oh! It looks like a little man in a spacesuit! 521 00:23:51,300 --> 00:23:53,420 That's not a man- That's Lister- 522 00:23:53,540 --> 00:23:55,100 What's he doing out there?! 523 00:23:55,220 --> 00:23:58,140 - Gentlemen- - What's happened to Lister? 524 00:23:58,260 --> 00:24:01,580 He resigned, Arnold, and as a consequence, our mission goal has now changed- 525 00:24:01,700 --> 00:24:04,700 There's no longer a requirement to return Crewman Lister to Earth, 526 00:24:04,820 --> 00:24:07,860 nor is it fiscally prudent to return or crew this ship- 527 00:24:07,980 --> 00:24:09,660 Mindful of the Space Pollution Act, 528 00:24:09,780 --> 00:24:12,540 JMC policy dictates the ship should dispose of itself 529 00:24:12,660 --> 00:24:14,500 by flying straight into the nearest sun- 530 00:24:14,620 --> 00:24:15,700 What?! 531 00:24:15,820 --> 00:24:17,020 What about us? 532 00:24:17,140 --> 00:24:19,020 Never mind us, what about me? 533 00:24:20,500 --> 00:24:23,140 No need for alarm, Arnold, you can come too- 534 00:24:23,260 --> 00:24:26,900 In fact, I'm instructed to offer you a new position as supervising officer 535 00:24:27,020 --> 00:24:29,820 on our voyage into the heart of the solar core- 536 00:24:29,940 --> 00:24:32,940 Mission name: Operation Sizzle- 537 00:24:33,060 --> 00:24:37,380 Or if you prefer, Arnold, your hologrammic unit can be shut down now- 538 00:24:37,500 --> 00:24:39,460 So, I have a choice- 539 00:24:39,580 --> 00:24:42,780 Get turned off now, have a non-existence for the rest of eternity, 540 00:24:42,900 --> 00:24:45,700 or live a little longer and then get cooked to death? 541 00:24:45,820 --> 00:24:48,460 It's a real head-scratcher, sir, no question- 542 00:24:48,580 --> 00:24:53,380 So how long have we got before we reach the point of no return, the melting point? 543 00:24:53,500 --> 00:24:55,860 You mean the point where suncream and floppy hats are no defence 544 00:24:55,980 --> 00:24:58,500 because our noses have started melting onto our shoes, which are now 545 00:24:58,620 --> 00:25:02,180 floating down the corridor in a river made up of our own leg gravy? 546 00:25:02,300 --> 00:25:05,300 Well, we'll go as fast as we can, Supervising Officer, 547 00:25:05,420 --> 00:25:07,860 as I know you're keen to complete the mission- 548 00:25:07,980 --> 00:25:10,780 How long, you mad goth bastard? 549 00:25:10,900 --> 00:25:14,100 Well, I can have the ship fly beyond its safety limits, 550 00:25:14,220 --> 00:25:16,980 disengage the carbon carbon-reinforced heat shields, 551 00:25:17,100 --> 00:25:19,660 so it shouldn't take more than---90 years- 552 00:25:19,780 --> 00:25:21,300 90 years?! 553 00:25:21,420 --> 00:25:22,780 Hey, that's not too bad- 554 00:25:22,900 --> 00:25:25,180 Did I say years? Sorry- 555 00:25:25,300 --> 00:25:26,340 I meant minutes- 556 00:25:26,460 --> 00:25:27,820 90 minutes- 557 00:25:30,100 --> 00:25:32,580 (DRAMATIC MUSIC) 558 00:25:32,700 --> 00:25:35,620 (FRANTIC TYPING) 559 00:26:05,100 --> 00:26:06,980 Sir! I'm so pleased you're OK! 560 00:26:07,100 --> 00:26:08,180 Not for long- 561 00:26:08,300 --> 00:26:12,220 In 90 minutes, we're gonna be hotter than me in a pair of silk Speedos! 562 00:26:12,340 --> 00:26:14,260 What are we going to do? We're-we're finished! 563 00:26:14,380 --> 00:26:15,660 Oh, Kryten, we can do this- 564 00:26:15,780 --> 00:26:18,380 Alls we've gotta do is get to the machine room and pull the plug 565 00:26:18,500 --> 00:26:21,300 on this loony- Now, if you can unscrew that wall panel, 566 00:26:21,420 --> 00:26:23,980 - we'll short-cut through the vents- - Right away, sir- 567 00:26:24,100 --> 00:26:27,300 - Two minutes, we'll be through- - PREE: No, you won't- 568 00:26:27,420 --> 00:26:29,380 Your attempts to defeat me are futile- 569 00:26:29,500 --> 00:26:31,940 Oh, yeah? How are you planning on stopping us? 570 00:26:32,060 --> 00:26:34,980 Well, actually, sir, she controls all the ship's functions--- 571 00:26:35,100 --> 00:26:36,460 - (HISSING) - ---so in many ways, 572 00:26:36,580 --> 00:26:38,780 her powers are limitless! (LAUGHS) 573 00:26:38,900 --> 00:26:40,020 Gas is coming in through the vents! 574 00:26:40,140 --> 00:26:42,220 RIMMER: Might that be laughing gas? 575 00:26:42,340 --> 00:26:45,460 - (ALL LAUGH) - We're in! 576 00:26:45,580 --> 00:26:46,700 (MUSIC CONTINUES) 577 00:26:46,820 --> 00:26:49,660 It's sealed! There's no way through! 578 00:26:49,780 --> 00:26:53,100 - We're screwed! - We're defenceless! 579 00:26:53,220 --> 00:26:55,500 Hey, Kryten, I can't think straight with this toothache- 580 00:26:55,620 --> 00:26:58,460 It's that one there, mate- Go on, pull it- 581 00:27:02,660 --> 00:27:05,500 - RIMMER: Here comes the wall! - Here comes another one! 582 00:27:05,620 --> 00:27:08,460 (DRAMATIC MUSIC INTENSIFIES) 583 00:27:08,580 --> 00:27:12,300 Hey, Kryten! That crazy question you asked. 584 00:27:12,420 --> 00:27:13,740 I've got the answer! 585 00:27:13,860 --> 00:27:15,020 What question, 55? 586 00:27:15,140 --> 00:27:18,060 "Do Siamese sisters get whiskers in stasis?" 587 00:27:18,180 --> 00:27:19,460 Nah, they don't! 588 00:27:20,500 --> 00:27:23,340 DENTIBOT: Quick medical, so we can set up his bios for stasis- 589 00:27:23,460 --> 00:27:24,620 Stasis! 590 00:27:24,740 --> 00:27:26,460 Stasis! Stasis! Course! 591 00:27:26,580 --> 00:27:28,140 What was I thinking? I've got it! Pree! 592 00:27:28,260 --> 00:27:30,500 AllJMC vessels undertake to return crew to Earth, 593 00:27:30,620 --> 00:27:32,340 including their dependents, right? 594 00:27:32,460 --> 00:27:35,220 You resigned, former crewman- There's no way back- 595 00:27:35,340 --> 00:27:37,860 Ididn't resign- My dad did- We share the same name- 596 00:27:37,980 --> 00:27:39,740 Then you'd be on file, and you're not- 597 00:27:39,860 --> 00:27:42,060 Did you check the medibay waiting list? Isn't there a file open? 598 00:27:42,180 --> 00:27:44,060 David Lister, medical pending? 599 00:27:45,260 --> 00:27:46,700 - Yes- - Isn't it true, 600 00:27:46,820 --> 00:27:48,660 once I complete my medical and I have 601 00:27:48,780 --> 00:27:51,180 all my bios for stasis, I become registered crew? 602 00:27:51,300 --> 00:27:53,260 - Yes- - And as registered crew, 603 00:27:53,380 --> 00:27:56,420 - do I have the power to shut you down? - Yes- 604 00:27:56,540 --> 00:28:02,140 And as your primary objective is to save registered crew members time and energy, 605 00:28:02,260 --> 00:28:05,100 shouldn't you just uninstall yourself now? 606 00:28:05,220 --> 00:28:06,980 Your logic is faultless- 607 00:28:08,140 --> 00:28:10,380 (DRAMATIC MUSIC STOPS SUDDENLY) 608 00:28:11,540 --> 00:28:13,300 Rock and roll- 609 00:28:13,420 --> 00:28:16,300 Dave Lister saves the day- 610 00:28:16,420 --> 00:28:19,540 Being brave in a hostile universe- 611 00:28:19,660 --> 00:28:22,460 (IMITATES GUITAR) 612 00:28:24,180 --> 00:28:28,140 Mr David ListerJunior, sir, welcome aboard! 613 00:28:28,260 --> 00:28:29,700 Morning, Krytes- 614 00:28:29,820 --> 00:28:34,700 Complimentary champagne and games package courtesy of the JMC- 615 00:28:34,820 --> 00:28:36,020 I'm not interested, Krytes- 616 00:28:36,140 --> 00:28:37,820 I've just signed up for the Robotics programme- 617 00:28:37,940 --> 00:28:39,140 Gonna pass that sucker- 618 00:28:39,260 --> 00:28:43,060 So, alcohol, computer games - it's hasta la vista, baby! 619 00:28:43,180 --> 00:28:44,660 Go on, get 'em out of there- Get--- 620 00:28:45,980 --> 00:28:47,820 Zero-gee Total Football? 621 00:28:47,940 --> 00:28:50,420 I didn't know this was even out! 622 00:28:50,540 --> 00:28:53,860 Kryten, grab yourself a remote and say goodbye to the weekend- 623 00:28:53,980 --> 00:28:55,340 Your MechBook's going down, boy- 624 00:28:57,860 --> 00:29:01,500 Oh, and Kryten--- that champagne's not gonna open itself- 625 00:29:05,860 --> 00:29:09,060 There's no kind of atmosphere 626 00:29:09,180 --> 00:29:12,340 627 00:29:12,460 --> 00:29:15,700 628 00:29:15,820 --> 00:29:18,620 629 00:29:18,740 --> 00:29:22,220 630 00:29:22,340 --> 00:29:25,860 Shipwrecked and comatose 631 00:29:25,980 --> 00:29:29,340 632 00:29:29,460 --> 00:29:32,620 633 00:29:32,740 --> 00:29:35,660 634 00:29:35,780 --> 00:29:39,460 635 00:29:39,580 --> 00:29:42,300 636 00:29:42,420 --> 00:29:46,300 637 00:29:49,740 --> 00:29:53,020 (EXPLOSION)